six months

six months

at six months i don't know where i am.

what i miss the most is my friend, their presence in my life. i have never had a friend like that, and now i don't again.

i imagine that i'm now feeling all the things they already were forced through. it makes me hurt for them.

to borrow from a shitty parent who was also a horse: "my friend is gone, and everything is worse now."

sam tells me i need to start treating this pain like tinnitus. emotional tinnitus. "it's there, and there's a possibility it will always be, but you just have to deal with it."

that's probably where i'm at. this ringing isn't going away, so it's time to learn how to ignore it. no other choice.

i've got a lot coming up - time to start looking that way, regardless of what i want.