i think it's weird that we do things we know are bad for us because we know they will make us feel good.
i've done this a lot in my life, in part due to my ADD, and in part because i just don't have good patterns. i have a long, established history doing what makes me feel good without considering the long term cost.
i've been reflecting on this during a period in which my options seem super clear cut - do something that feels good or do something good for you. they are super clear cut. im wanting to do the things good for me. i get closer everyday, but i'm just not quite there yet. luckily the things i want to do that feel good are pretty simple vices, and the only thing i'm losing is time.
in the meantime i'm revisiting the things that have gotten me here - the movies, the television, the music, the books. everything looks different through the lens of "i'm going to take care of myself now," instead of "what fun can i have now?" your day to day radically shifts when you do something as excruciatingly simple as reminding yourself not to hate yourself... when you think about tomorrow as well as today. when you give up hiding behind the masks and start being vulnerable with yourself and others. when you start figuring out how define yourself.