okay, it's september

and it's time i post something here publicly.

i've got a bunch of unpublished posts i've started over the past year. nothing seemed to stick, though. even the things i wrote and posted didn't feel right any more so i removed those.

so, what the deal is? what's the problem?

medium intensity

i visited phoenix recently for my mom's birthday. it was what i would describe as a "medium intensity" visit.

i got high, saw some old friends. wielded my masculinity like a scalpel, defusing a situation between a methhead and my mom. helped keep an eighteen year-old kid from hurting himself during a seizure with his small girlfriend - twice.

[s] game over

on the last day of the year I can safely say 2018 has been the most challenging year of my life.

i could make the argument it was the worst year of my life. In a lot of ways that is true.

veritas

originally posted somewhere ~5 years ago. reposting to refer to later.

 

back when i was seeing kg i heard over and over again, “but what about you?” i never had an answer to that question and i still don’t.

six months

at six months i don't know where i am.

what i miss the most is my friend, their presence in my life. i have never had a friend like that, and now i don't again.

i imagine that i'm now feeling all the things they already were forced through. it makes me hurt for them.

coming home

after my dad died i had trouble knowing what direction to go.

even though he and i didn't get along and he was not a role model by any means, he served as some sort of placeholder for my idea of what a man should be.

i also grew up on procedurals. they're easy. they make sense. beginning, middle, end.

eventually i found characters, too. characters that i could relate to.