[s] game over

[s] game over

on the last day of the year I can safely say 2018 has been the most challenging year of my life.

i could make the argument it was the worst year of my life. In a lot of ways that is true.

on the other hand, i've been working for the last several years to convince myself, bit by bit, to like even just one part of myself. this year that work has finally paid off. my relationship with myself is better than it has ever been.

i won't be making any resolutions because i don't think it's useful for me to operate that way. i think i am a person that works better on themselves in a fluid way, step by step. if i don't finish the first step, i won't finish the next, and i won't finish the first step if i'm distracted by all the other potential steps in the way.

the first order of business is to acknowledge that i hold places in my heart for people that don't even want, let alone deserve, that space. the second is to free those spaces up. come midnight that won't be a problem any more.

when you get a game over in a lot of games, you're given the option to continue or quit. the significance of this year ending is that for the first time, i will be choosing 'quit,' and i will get to start over with myself from the beginning in a way i haven't before. playing to win.