On October 6th, 2008 my inability to sleep drove me to take my laptop from my dorm room into the common area. I blogged a lot growing up - Xanga, MySpace, even some Facebook notes.
More often than not I wrote about loss. I have never seemed to be able to keep people in my life. Friends, family, significant others. I was tired of being unhappy and doing it so publicly. I felt like it was a burden to the people I loved, friends and family alike. So I registered the domain sixbillionproud.com and started a self-contained blog.
So I love writing, and I love my guitar, and I’m trying to write this song, right? And I’m having trouble. It’s about this:
I’ve made the mistake with almost evey girl I’ve gotten involved in. I’ve thought they were special. And that’s fine, I mean, I’m of the belief that if you don’t allow for that to be at least possibly true, you’ll miss the one that really is special. Ok, good, fine, whatever.
I think I haven’t written in a while because it’s been hard for me to clear my head.
I bite my nails to the quick because of a nervousness that I can’t understand. I want to play guitar more often but I cant because the strings hurt the exposed nail bed.
It’s weird how sometimes, things that haven’t happened in a long time can just creep up and smack you in the face.
For instance, last weekend I was sitting around, doing nothing in particular, when I realized I hadn’t been hurt in a long time. Physically injured. It’s a weird thought. I just thought to myself, “Well, either I lead a very sedentary life style, or I’m invincible.” I went with the invincible one.
these are some of the ways i’d like to spend it.
What makes us unique?
See I’ve been of the opinion lately that so many of us are so driven to be different, to be unique or special, that we end up being nothing, that the stress of it all grinds us down until there’s nothing left but a mindlessness.
I feel that way a lot these days, mindless. As if I’m stumbling through life just to get through it, as if the challenge isn’t in life but somewhere else. It’s not.