medium intensity

i visited phoenix recently for my mom's birthday. it was what i would describe as a "medium intensity" visit.

i got high, saw some old friends. wielded my masculinity like a scalpel, defusing a situation between a methhead and my mom. helped keep an eighteen year-old kid from hurting himself during a seizure with his small girlfriend - twice.

[s] game over

on the last day of the year I can safely say 2018 has been the most challenging year of my life.

i could make the argument it was the worst year of my life. In a lot of ways that is true.

veritas

originally posted somewhere ~5 years ago. reposting to refer to later.

 

back when i was seeing kg i heard over and over again, “but what about you?” i never had an answer to that question and i still don’t.

six months

at six months i don't know where i am.

what i miss the most is my friend, their presence in my life. i have never had a friend like that, and now i don't again.

i imagine that i'm now feeling all the things they already were forced through. it makes me hurt for them.

coming home

after my dad died i had trouble knowing what direction to go.

even though he and i didn't get along and he was not a role model by any means, he served as some sort of placeholder for my idea of what a man should be.

i also grew up on procedurals. they're easy. they make sense. beginning, middle, end.

eventually i found characters, too. characters that i could relate to.

status update

I am almost 30. I am unemployed. I still don't know much about who I am or what I want for myself. I am alone.

If I'm being honest though, my biggest problem right now is that I'm breaking out a lot.

In the past, I didn't really have those issues. I always wanted to be the person who could enable his friends make things, to fund creative endeavors, to help people. Back when I played Rupert, I called it Andazi Patronage. The thing I wanted to do with my life was help other people do the things they wanted to do with their lives.